People still use this?

Why would I use this anymore when MySpace is basically the same thing and I get to have kickass profile songs, videos, layouts.... the whole kit and kaboodle.  DUH!  Seriously get with the program... if you still use this, you're behind.  if you want to see me on myspace since I'm not here anymore my URL is http://www.myspace.com/malibujen06  Click right there and you'll be there!!!

Hey everybody it's me again.  Hope everyone's summer has been alright.  Mine has been okay except for lack of car and lack of money.  It felt really good to read that last comment that my brother left for me.  I'm printing out a copy of my brother's letter and posting it on my wall for a little encouragement.  In other news I got chosen as "most opinionated" for the senior standouts from the girls.  I thought it was hilarious that enough people voted for me to make me win actually.  I know I'm opinionated so I am okay with that.  I have to go get my picture taken for that in 9 hours.  Yee ha.  But anyways, I updated the site to make it a little different and a little more peppy I guess you could say.  Hope people don't hate it at least.  If you don't like it... I'm sorry.  But anyways I just wanted to let everyone know the funny news... I'm sleepy *yawn* so I'm go say goodnight to Brett and go nighty night.  Buh-bye!

Thanks for the props bub!

I haven't updated this thing in a long long time, mainly because everyone is moving on from xanga and going on to bigger and better things, and no one reads what I write anyways, and also because I try not to ever be home because it seems like just about every time that I am, things blow up in my face.  But I've finally graduated from high school and I was planning to go to college this fall, but everything happened too fast and now I can't go this fall.  My dad's van finally took a crap or at least the transmission did so at this point in time I am without a car.  I've been in a relationship now for a little over a month which is a long time for me because I haven't had a serious relationship since... well a little over a year ago.  I've really been struggling alot lately with my temper and my mood and the littlest, dumbest things make me mad no matter how hard I try not to.  I think it's about time for me to seek a doctor's advice again because I think this is more than I can control.  I'm like an emotional roller coaster all the time and I hate being this way because I know I have to be such a drag to be around.  It's just like reality is hitting me all at once and life is moving faster than I'm ready for.  But I've been thinking some random things and I feel like I want to have a late-night confession... haha here goes:

I want to go to college, but I'm really scared... really scared to fail, to be alone, to go out into the world, and to be away from home...

I hate the side effects of smoking cigarettes (i.e., smell, taste, cancer), but I do it anyway

I have a bad tendency to be way more pessimistic than optimistic (the glass is SO not half-full), in any situation and I tend to blow things out of proportion, not intentionally, it's just the way I am...

Whether I like to admit it or not... I'm head over heels, seein' stars, can't sleep without them, butterflies in the stomach, in love with Brett Allen Reffitt.  He makes me so happy and I'll love that boy forever.  It feels so good to finally be in love again.

I don't like responsibilities and I don't want to grow up... It sucks knowing that I have to

I don't work right now because I like having free time when I want it... I plan to get a job in the near future, though because trust me I've also figured out that free time isn't that great when you don't have money... or a car

I hate the town I was born in and I see it as nothing more than a hole that you can only dig yourself deeper into, and eventually be consumed by unless you dig yourself out by leaving

I get along with males better than I do females... .... I can't really figure out why that one is... except for the fact that I try to avoid drama at all costs and most females are the opposite of that

I get sick of everyone asking me all the time about how to fix their problems because it seems like they can never return the favor to me... I guess in life there are those who are good listeners and those who need those listeners as leaning posts to get by

I'm afraid of the dark because I feel insecure

I am deftly afraid of spiders, no matter how small

I've always had this fear that I will someday drive my car into a lake and not be able to escape, which goes along with my fear of being buried alive...

I love looking at the stars, feeling wind on my face, playing in the rain, watching storms, and soaking up sun... I love nature, it's beautiful

I'm scared of storms but at the same time fascinated... and the scariest part... the thunder

I love to hear beautiful singing because it gives me goosebumps and makes my eyes tear up

I cry when I get mad and I don't handle anger well... I hold it in a lot when I shouldn't and let it out a lot when I shouldn't... I need to work on that...

I have a sister I've never met

I don't know who I am anymore and I feel like no one else truly knows me either because sometimes I find it hard to just be myself... but I don't really know who myself is at the same time... does that make me sound crazy? because sometimes I think I am...

I get headaches when I don't get high(I know it's pretty bad)

I hate drinking and I don't find it to be fun anymore

....................

I think I'm done thinking for awhile... anyways I gotta get to bed because I wanna see my boyfriend and for that to happen tomorrow has to get here so I'm going to sleep... Later to anyone who actually read this....

Love, Jen